The Secret of Seduction
The slogan for a certain brand of men’s aftershave is “The most powerful man”. The company claims that if you use their cologne, you will become charming and women will fall in love with you for no reason; she will listen to every word you say and cannot control her desire to touch you; she will fall for you immediately if you compliment her; using this cologne will make you seductive and will help you attract women easily.
What exactly is this magical scent that can hypnotize women? Pheromones. Male pheromones, to be exact. We can’t confirm the effects of this bottled pheromone, but we do know that the natural pheromone emitted from the skin and sweat glands of animals and humans is a highly effective chemical signal. This chemical signal can make certain men smell like Prince Charming and can also help men attract women with ease. That sounds like good news. But the bad news is that each person’s pheromone only works for a specific segment of the population, and not for others. It’s all chemically determined, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
When we say that pheromones can help men attract women, we don’t mean that they can make a woman lose control of her lust and immediately jump on you. Regardless of what cologne commercials say, human pheromones can only create attraction and sexual desire, not the direct sexual urge. Of course, if you are a wild boar, the situation is completely different. Female wild boars go crazy for the androstenol and androstenedione released in the saliva of male boars. As long as a female boar is in breeding season, she will pounce on each other like …… well, like a male boar.
A woman’s sense of smell is more sensitive than a man’s, due to estrogen, and this is why women are better at accurately identifying smells than men. A woman wants a man who doesn’t smell like a downward dog locked in a gym locker with a smelly sock next to him. The scent you give off matters. Part of your body odor can be determined by you; showers, deodorant and clean socks can freshen you up, and all of these are important. But you can’t control your pheromones. Pheromones represent you. Male pheromones affect women’s brains and central nervous systems through the nasal plow at the base of their nasal passages. The process of pheromone detection by the nasal plunger is completely unconscious. Women can have both a physical and emotional response to male scent. Have you ever seen a woman sniff the top of a baby’s head? The top of a baby’s head can release a pheromone that stimulates a woman’s brain to secrete oxytocin, which in turn gives rise to pleasurable feelings of love and intimacy. So don’t believe the cologne ads that claim to increase your attractiveness. Unless a company can sell you a baby’s head in a bottle, you can’t have the ultimate weapon to attract women.
Pheromones are powerfully biological, driving us closer to those who are genetically best suited to reproduce. This is why a girl often thinks his brother smells gross, when in reality his brother is very attractive to his girlfriend. Pheromones are like a two-way street. You can be attracted to some women, but unattractive to others; some women smell attractive to you, while others do not. It is not specific to a particular person, but a completely biological law.
In 2005, the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, conducted an experiment to examine how the sex hormones of heterosexual men, homosexual men and heterosexual women respond to specific chemicals. These chemicals included testosterone, extracted from male sweat, and estrogen, extracted from female urine. Using brain imaging techniques, the researchers found that when heterosexual women and homosexual men smell testosterone in male sweat, their brains light up in the hypothalamus, the brain region responsible for reproductive behavior. The hypothalamus in heterosexual men responds only to chemicals in women’s urine.
Scientists at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia collected natural body odors from heterosexual men, homosexual men, and women (don’t ask me how they did it, you don’t want to know). Their findings corroborate the Karolinska School of Medicine study that homosexual men prefer the odor of other homosexual men, while heterosexual men prefer the odor of women; women prefer the odor of heterosexual men.
These experiments provide further evidence that scent is a powerful tool for reproduction.
New York-based artist Judith Prays was curious to find out why she was attracted to the scent of certain men. So in 2010, she started the Pheromone Party to help people find a partner through scent. Before the party, 40 single men and women slept in a clean T-shirt for three nights, then put the T-shirts in plastic bags and brought them to the party. Judith numbered all the T-shirts and sorted them according to gender. At the party, people could smell the T-shirts and choose the one that attracted them most based on the smell. The result? The party successfully matched 12 men and women, 50% of whom developed long-term relationships. Since then, “pheromone parties” have become popular in major cities around the world.
The first kiss
Now, we’re not trying to add pressure to your date or scare you away. In fact, women will always remember the first time they kissed each other. Women will remember whether your first kiss was awkward or passionate, gentle or violent, wet or dry; the touch of your foreheads or noses. They also remember who turned their face to the right and who turned to the left during the kiss; they also remember the sounds and smells of the kiss. In short, women remember all the details of the first kiss. The first kiss is important, and arguably especially important.
John Bohannon, a psychologist at Butler University, surveyed 500 people about their memories of important life events and also asked them to compare the importance of these events. The first kiss was considered the most important event and was “the most vivid memory for all respondents. John Bohannon found that people could remember almost 90% of the details of their first kiss, regardless of how long ago it occurred.
Adding to the stress, Gordon Gallup of the State University of New York at Albany (SUNY Albany) found that 60% of women would break up with each other because the kiss was unpleasant.
So, why is kissing so important?
You can understand it this way: Your lips are covered with countless nerve endings that represent the sensory cortex of your brain. This connection is stronger than you might think. A proper kiss can stimulate these nerve endings, causing the female brain to release feel-good hormones. If you can’t stimulate these nerve endings, then you’re not kissing, you’re kissing goodbye. For kissing, the chemistry of both partners means everything. Just like the pheromone mechanism, you’re either a great match or a complete mismatch.
Mouth cleaning. If you’ve just finished a can of sardines and some roasted garlic with cheese, it’s recommended that you reconsider the timing of your kiss. Remember, women have a very sensitive sense of smell and a foul-smelling mouth doesn’t smell cute.
Be confident. In the movie “Gone with the Wind,” when Fred White kissed Hoska, did he hesitate? He simply tells Housecat that she should be kissed often and by someone who is good at kissing. Then he kissed Hoska, proving that he was indeed good at it. It’s not for nothing that so many romantic novels depict women indulging in kissing. There is nothing more spoilery than a man asking permission before a kiss. “Can I kiss you?” This sounds polite, but it doesn’t ignite a spark. You should tell if she’s ready by watching for her nonverbal sexual signals.
Understand the cues. You can tell if a woman wants to be kissed by you. When she is interested, most of her attention will be on your eyes and lips. She will slightly lick her lips or lightly bite her lower lip. You need to look into her eyes and her lips and observe if she is smiling. She won’t initiate the kiss, knowing that no romantic novel has a cover that depicts a woman initiating a kiss on a man, but she will give you hints and ask you to kiss her.
Take your time. When you kiss her, don’t rush to kiss her face. She will remember every detail of your first kiss for a long time. You don’t want to be in her memory hanging on to her face like a rabid dog. Slowly move your face a little closer to hers and then see if her body leans back or stays in place. If she moves her body away, then you may have misinterpreted her signals. If she stays still or leans forward slightly, this is the right time for you to kiss her.
Build anticipation. Touch her face; stroke her hair; bring your lips closer to hers and stay there for a while, letting her feel your breath. Remember to keep your mouth clean. You want to slowly build up the attraction between you, allowing mutual desire to arise naturally until your lips touch. When people expect good things, they secrete dopamine, which further makes subsequent kisses more pleasurable. Your ultimate goal is to make her want to kiss you more than she wants to breathe.
Kissing. Slowly touch your lips to hers and then gently pause. Feel the moment. Don’t be in a hurry to stick your tongue in her mouth. This is kissing, not sexual harassment. Increase the pressure on your lips until she responds, then you can go further. If she opens her mouth, then you gently stick your tongue in. Male saliva contains testosterone, and testosterone promotes sexual desire in women. This does not mean that you should get as much saliva into her mouth as possible, as that will not help to boost her libido. Likewise, you should not think that getting saliva all around her mouth will promote sexual desire. A little wetness in the mouth is just fine, but don’t kiss her like a St. Bernard. Keep it fresh. Drooling is not sexy.
Trust your instincts. Kissing is like dancing, and each partner’s dance is unique to each other. You lead the dance, let her follow you, and then let her take the lead. If she withdraws, then stop kissing. If your intuition tells you that her nerve endings are already very aroused, then keep kissing her. Long kisses are wonderful.
Gentle strokes. The kiss begins on the lips, but hands and arms can intensify the kiss. Stroke her face and hair, and wrap your arms around her neck. Your hands are free to move, but let them rest gently on either side of your body. Make her feel safe in the crook of your arms. During the first kiss, it is best if you do not try to touch her breasts.
Now your pheromones are in full force and your kisses are making her swoon as if she’s seeing rainbows and dancing unicorns after the rain. What to do now? The movie suggests (depending on the level of the movie, of course) that the screen should fade out and you should naturally undress and make wild and passionate love.
We can’t tell you what to do next. Well, actually we can, and we will tell you. Before we get to those things, we need to pause. After the kiss, the decision of whether you have a one-night fling or a serious relationship is really up to you. But before we tell you how to be a good lover, let us teach you how to tell if a woman is likely to enter into a long-term exclusive relationship with you or go on a serious date. When you’re surrounded by oxytocin, you’re also less likely to call on those organs that can do long-term thinking. So, you need to stay awake. It could be that your kisses are driving her crazy, or it could be that she is actually a completely crazy person. In the next chapter, we’ll help you distinguish between these two situations.