When you fall in love with someone, you will feel that his every move is full of wisdom and charm, and after getting together further, you may find that you have a different view of many situations. Because, at the beginning of the relationship, we always think that everything is perfect, perhaps only because of the other person’s appearance, he / she is their ideal partner, and it is difficult to detect the shortcomings of the other person, wishful thinking that everything he / she is good, do things are right, even if others pointed out the shortcomings of the other person for you, you may also feel indifferent. Have you ever felt this way? This is the halo effect in love.
The Halo Effect was first proposed by Edward Thorndike, a famous American psychologist, in the 1920s. He believed that people’s perceptions and judgments of people are often derived from only partial and the so-called overall impression, that is, people often generalize. Under the influence of this psychological effect, people often generalize from a certain trait of the other person to other aspects of his or her body in the process of interacting with people, thinking that other aspects of the other person are like the side they see.
The “halo effect” will expand a person’s weaknesses or strengths, so you have a good feeling about someone, it is difficult to feel that he has weaknesses; you do not like someone, it is difficult to see his strengths, and thus feel that he is useless. Psychologist K. Dion (K. Dion) did an experiment like this. He asked the subjects to look at some photos of people who were attractive, unattractive, or moderately attractive. The subjects were then asked to rate these people on characteristics unrelated to charisma. The results showed that the subjects assigned more desirable personality traits, such as amiability, composure, and sociability, to the attractive people than to the unattractive ones.
Generation of the Halo Effect
So, how does the “halo effect” appear in our brains? The feeling that we form the halo effect is what we often call intuition. Intuition is a function of the right brain and is the gateway to the human subconscious. For example, a guy sees a girl and falls in love at first sight, this feeling is almost no rational basis from the left brain, but only the appearance, temperament, voice, attire and other external characteristics of the other party formed this feeling, this feeling is intuition. The “halo effect” in love can also be influenced by previous life experiences and emotions, producing a mental stereotype that distorts people’s perceptions and prevents them from seeing the objective and real world. For example, in our daily lives, we often discriminate against women because of the phrase “long hair, short insight”, and we also have a negative view of businessmen because of the phrase “no business is bad”.
Many marriage experts have studied this halo effect and found that when partners meet for the first time, they think “they already like the person” by their own intuition, and then they will find various reasons for the other person’s merits. By finding enough reasons to “justify” their intuition, people will be more convinced that the person is the object of their heart’s desire. In layman’s terms, people in the process of falling in love are prone to the halo effect on each other, which is commonly referred to as “the lover’s eye out of the west”. The lovers are enveloped by the halo, each other’s many shortcomings and flaws are ignored, masked, preventing both sides to form a correct and deep understanding of each other. The idealization, perfection and idolization of each other, while the weaknesses and flaws of the other are ignored, and their evaluation overshadows the objective reality with subjective colors. In this psychological basis of the relationship, with the passage of time, the emotional glow will disappear, the emotional impulse will gradually calm, lovers will find that the person they admire is actually not perfect, a lot of flaws, at this time people in the psychological may produce a “deceived” feeling, which may even cause future love tragedy .
The negative effects of the halo effect
The “halo effect” can amplify a person’s flaws or strengths. The halo effect may cause one partner to have a strong feeling of love, like a halo, that spreads around. As partners spend more time with each other, each other’s flaws will be discovered, and once the halo is gone, the partners will become frustrated with each other, which may then lead to conflicts.
Alexander Pushkin, the famous Russian great writer, once suffered greatly from the effects of the halo effect. He fell madly in love with Nathalie, who was known as “the most beautiful woman in Moscow”, and married her. Nathalie was stunningly beautiful, but she did not agree with Pushkin. When Pushkin read to her his poems, she always covered her ears and said, “Don’t listen! Don’t listen!” She always asked Pushkin to accompany her for fun, to attend some luxurious parties and balls, Pushkin left his creative work for this reason, and got into high debt, and finally died in a duel for her, a literary superstar fell prematurely. In Pushkin’s opinion, the beautiful Nathalie must also have extraordinary intelligence and noble character, but this is not the case. The most typical example of this is that we are always surprised when we see some scandal about a star in the media, when in fact the image of the star in our mind is simply the “halo” he/she shows us on the screen or in the media, and we have no idea about his/her real personality.
How to overcome the negative effects of the halo effect
The halo effect can bring many negative effects to men and women in love, it always makes us blind, unable to really recognize the good and bad things are true, but also easy to make us be used. Therefore, we are in the social process, “the heart of the harm can not have, the heart of the defense can not be free”, to always be vigilant, not to be blinded by the appearance.
In the face of the halo effect in love, you may want to try the following suggestions, rational response to the negative impact of the halo effect in daily life and love, to distinguish the strengths and weaknesses of each other.
1. Objective treatment of the first impression
The preconceived first impression will often affect our judgment of future information, so we should always be mentally prepared to change or even deny the first impression. At the same time, do not prematurely to the other party to make an evaluation, as much as possible with each other more interaction, to promote a deeper understanding of each other.
2. Pay attention to the “projection tendency”
The phenomenon of attaching some of your own psychological characteristics to the other person is “projective tendency”. This tendency is often unconscious, once we do not pay attention to, not sober, rational self-reflection, we are likely to produce prejudice.
3. “The authorities are confused, the onlookers are clear”
To evaluate a person truthfully and accurately, we should consider all aspects and refer to the opinions of others to avoid personal subjective errors of judgment. During the period of passionate love, we should try to keep our sanity and sobriety, analyze each other’s behavior and its meaning rationally, and analyze their character traits from their behavioral characteristics in order to avoid a blind eye.
4. avoid “circular confirmation”
Psychological research proves that a person’s prejudice against others is often automatically confirmed. The bias of one party’s feelings leads to the bias of the other party, which in turn strengthens the degree of bias of one party. When having prejudice against someone, we should consciously review our own attitude and behavior and consciously get out of the labyrinth of the halo effect.
Men and women in love can produce a “psychological favoritism” towards their lovers, which leads to a blind eye. To overcome the negative impact of this psychological effect, you need to keep a clear head, do not just agree with the views of others, to often carry out rational self-reflection, focus on understanding the other party’s psychology, behavior and other deeper meaning, to make an objective judgment.
Dear you, when you fall in love with a person at first sight, do not be overwhelmed by the feeling of being in love. When you are too addicted, shake your head and bring yourself back to your senses, analyze objectively and rationally whether this person is what you like or not, put aside that merit of his / her that you like the most, see what else you like about him / her and don’t get lost.
(1) “Halo effect” this psychological phenomenon in love is very common, especially in the hot love of men and women, will produce a “psychological favoritism” to the lover, which leads to a leaf blind.
(2) “Halo effect” will expand a person’s weaknesses or strengths, so when you have a good feeling about someone, it is difficult to feel that he has weaknesses; when you do not like someone, it is difficult to see his strengths, and thus feel that he is useless.
(3) love must avoid the “halo effect”, in love, must keep a clear head, rational view of the surrounding people and things, in order to make an objective and correct judgment.
— EOF —