Bringing good equipment means that we have to be well prepared before falling in love.
Try asking yourself: When love comes knocking at your door, are you equipped enough? Is the sensational love in the eyes of others really what you want?
Of course, there are those who say that falling in love is an accidental event that requires no preparation and cannot be prepared for; because, love itself has an impulsive component.
However, if you really want your love to blossom, you must be prepared before you fall in love.
How to be ready for love
To be ready for love and to bring the right equipment for love, it is very important to know yourself properly.
To know oneself is to analyze our personal resources and environmental resources. First, let’s look at personal resources. Usually, personal resources include internal resources and external resources.
1. Intrinsic resources
How many selves do we have?
In psychology, the Johari Window shows the difference between conscious and unconscious perceptions of self, behavior, and others, which is divided into four categories: the category of self-shaping in front of the public, the category of being known to the public but unconscious of self, and the category of self-consciousness in front of the public. The first is the category of self-fashioning in front of the public, the second is the category of the self that is known to the public but the self is unconscious, the third is the category of the self that is consciously retained in front of the public, and the fourth is the category of both the public and the self that are unconscious. Thus, we also divide the human inner being into four parts.
The open self (public self): This is the area of free activity, where the self is clear and others are clear. For example, gender, appearance, marriage, occupation, location of work and life, ability, hobbies, specialties, achievements, etc. It depends on the degree of openness of the ego mind, the intensity of personality expression, the breadth of interpersonal interaction, the attention of others, and the stakes of open information.
Blind I (backbone I): It belongs to the blind area, the part that others know but not oneself. It can be some prominent psychological characteristics or some unconscious emotional outflow, which is related to the ability of self-observation, receiving feedback, and self-reflection.
Hidden self (private self): It belongs to the area of avoidance and hiding, the part that one knows but others do not. Such as shortcomings, past events, illnesses, pains, snickers, guilt, embarrassment, desires, and intentions that one does not want others to know about, which are related to one’s own sense of security and ease.
Unknown self (potential self): The part of the self that belongs to the unknown domain and is unknown to oneself and others. Such as potential abilities and talents, deep subconsciousness, this part of the self is so powerful but easy to be ignored, and requires new attempts and explorations to be discovered and tapped.
(2) Exploring the temperament type of the self
Temperament type is the typical classification of human temperament. The most famous classification is that of Hippocrates, an ancient Greek physician in the 5th century BC. He believed that there were four types of fluids in the human body, namely blood, mucus, yellow bile, and black bile. The different proportions of these four fluids in the human body formed four types of temperament, namely, polycythemia, cholestasis, mucus, and depression, and these four different temperament types have the following characteristics, respectively.
Polycythemia, manifested as lively, sensitive, active, responsive, like to interact with people, attention is easily shifted, interests easily changed.
Choleric, which is straightforward, enthusiastic, energetic, easily impulsive, and has a highly variable state of mind.
Mucinous, manifested as quiet, stable, slow reaction, silent, emotions are not easily exposed, stable attention but difficult to shift, good at patience.
Depression, manifested as withdrawn, slow to act, experience deep, sentimental, good at perceiving small things that others do not easily notice.
(3) Confirm your view of love
What is your concept of love?
Is it the commitment and perseverance of “I wish to have a heart, never leave each other”, or is it the freedom of “just wanting to have it once”?
Is it the pursuit of the warmth and peace of “long flow of water”, or the desire for the “mountains without angles, heaven and earth together, and only then dare to break away from the king” like a strong and powerful?
2. External resources
After fully understanding your inner resources, we need to understand your outer resources.
(1) Interpersonal attractiveness
This is mainly expressed in the individual’s image attractiveness, talent attractiveness and good communication skills.
(2) Social recognition
This is mainly expressed in the establishment of career, honor and the creation of social value.
3. Environmental resources
In addition to personal resources, each person also has different environmental resources, environmental resources also have an important impact on the individual’s love. The individual specific environmental resources usually include: parental resources, teacher resources and friend resources.
(1) Parental resources
This refers to the parents’ relationship or marital status, their mental state, and the way they handle relationship conflicts. The state of parents in the marital relationship largely influences the individual’s later relationship choice and relationship status.
(2) mentor resources
The teachers are often rich in life experience, higher degree of rationality, and deeper level of reading people. Teachers usually have more experience and experience than we have, before starting a relationship, it is worth listening to their advice to reduce the impulsiveness of individuals in the face of feelings, more sensible treatment of their feelings.
(3) Friends resources
Friends can bring us a multi-faceted observation, more referential advice and relationship satisfaction. “The onlooker is the authority”, friends as a bystander role, can provide us with more reference advice.
Prepare for love, let love go farther – become a better version of yourself
Gao Xiaosong said when talking about “what is the best relationship”: “What is the best relationship? Let’s all become better versions of ourselves, that’s the most important thing. What is a better version of ourselves? It is the pure self, the sincere self, the open self, and this is the most important thing in life, not a relationship. We each become a better version of ourselves, that is the best relationship.”
Love is not the most important thing in life, but love must be an important thing in life.
(1) Love needs to be prepared, and it is important to know yourself correctly and have a clear perception of your strengths and weaknesses.
(2) Knowing your inner self can start from the perspective of self-awareness, temperament type and love outlook.
(3) After fully understanding our inner profile, the next thing we need to define is our outer resources. We can start with our interpersonal attractiveness, social acceptance, and the various environmental resources we have.
— EOF —