When you are in a relationship, this will be one of the confusion you encounter: I am for him, he is for me, is it like or love? So what is the difference between love and liking?
Professional psychology books define liking this way: In practice, one of the most confused forms of interpersonal attraction with love is liking. The social psychologist Rubin systematically studied the relationship between love and liking, and found that love is not a special form of liking, and that love and liking are two different emotions. Indeed, the phenomenon of “I like him/her, but don’t love him/her” and “I love him/her, but don’t like him/her” often occurs in life.
So is the emotional state of both parties in an intimate relationship deep love or ordinary liking? Someone asked God what is the difference between liking and loving. God pointed to a child who was standing in front of a flower, enchanted by its beauty, and could not help but reach out and pick the flower. God said, “That’s liking. Then God pointed to another boy, who was sweating and watering the flowers, and was worried about the flowers being exposed to the sun, so he stood in front of the flowers to block the light, and God said this is love.
The three elements of identifying love and liking
The difference between love and liking is mainly reflected in three elements.
The first element: attachment
As we have already mentioned, adult love relationships, like infants, can be considered as a process of attachment, and there are three main types: secure attachment, avoidant attachment, and ambivalent attachment.
Regarding attachment, when you are sad or grieving, the first person you think of, the first person that comes to your mind, is very likely to be the person you fall in love with. The two parties in love will look for each other to accompany or relieve each other when they feel lonely, and this is the performance of attachment to each other, while the object of love will not make people feel this way.
The second element: altruism
The second element is that the person who likes, is more “selfish”; love, has more “altruistic” color. The person in love will be highly concerned about the other person’s emotional state, and feel that it is their duty to make the other person happy and happy. When the other person has shortcomings, will also show a high degree of tolerance. The most self-centered and selfish people will also show some kind of understanding, tolerance, care and selflessness in a relationship.
Like is usually unilateral, that is, with oneself as the subject and the other person as the object, and belongs to self-interested behavior, while love is a mutual subject for both parties, an act that benefits others first and then oneself, reflecting our feelings of attachment, care and intimacy.
The third element: intimacy
The two parties in love not only have a high degree of emotional dependence on each other, but also will have the need for physical contact. Intimacy includes both the psychological phenomena of passion, understanding, honesty, support and sharing, as well as passion and sex. Intimacy brings great strength and comfort to men and women in love, giving them greater faith and motivation for love, enabling both to feel a tacit understanding of the mind and attachment of the heart, building a relationship of honesty, sharing, harmony and warmth, and becoming heart-to-heart partners. At the same time, it generates physical impulses and a strong desire for the flesh, igniting a desire for sex.
The different expressions of love and liking
Like and love also have different manifestations. Like is happy, love is intoxicated; like will make people think of it without thinking, love often makes people think of it and think of it; like is parting and miss, meet happy, love is parting torment, see each other in love; like is mutual feeling more relaxed, love is more care about each other’s feeling and feeling; like is not exclusive, but love has uniqueness and exclusivity. Love can include like, like but not necessarily make people love each other, love is an extreme expression of like.
Like, like the appetizer before the meal, taste good, ultimately can not be the main course. In the case of gender interaction, liking is sometimes a prerequisite for love, paving the way for formal love to develop so that the relationship between the two parties can develop more smoothly. So, men and women who have gone through the liking stage and then into the love stage have more solid relationships.
Today, people are looking for more of an instant thing. However, love needs to be nurtured for a long time, just like making soup, it has to be warmed up little by little. Most of our love today is instantaneous and fast food, people’s feelings change very quickly, then this rapidly changing love might just be like. Love is also the most puzzling, there is not really a universal truth about love, everyone’s love is different. Sometimes we need to distinguish between love and like, and sometimes we don’t have to care too much about it.
(1) There are three ways to identify love and liking: Is there an attachment to each other? Is there more “altruism” or “self-interest” in the relationship? Is there both emotional attachment and physical touch?
(2) Love can include liking, but liking does not necessarily develop into love, love is an extreme expression of liking.
— EOF —