Love is not a relationship that is bound by responsibilities and obligations. If love is filled only with responsibilities and obligations, then the relationship between two people is somewhat lacking in willingness and more bound to a certain extent.
The purpose of love is to build intimacy, and we learn more about ourselves by establishing a deeper psychological connection with our lovers. Intimacy includes many kinds of relationships, and intimacy between lovers is the most unique.
So, how intimate does it have to be to prove love for each other? As psychologist Rowland Miler says, there are six key elements of intimacy that are part of love: level of understanding, level of caring, interdependence, mutual consistency, trust, and fidelity.
The six elements of intimacy
Intimate partners have extensive, personal (and often secret) knowledge of each other. They are familiar with each other’s experiences, hobbies, feelings, and desires, and generally do not reveal this information to others.
2. Level of concern
Intimate partners care about each other and can feel more care from each other. If people perceive that their boy/girlfriend knows, understands and appreciates them better, the level of intimacy between them will increase.
The lives of the two partners in an intimate relationship are also intertwined: one partner’s behavior affects the other partner’s behavioral goals and ability to act. The interdependence of intimate partners refers to the degree to which they need each other and influence each other. This interdependence is frequent (frequently influencing each other), strong (significantly influencing each other), diverse (influencing each other in many different ways), and enduring (influencing each other over a long period of time). When the relationship develops to the point of interdependence, the behavior of one party affects itself as well as the other.
4. Mutual consistency
Because of this close bond, the two partners in an intimate relationship often perceive themselves as a match made in heaven, rather than as two completely separate individuals. They show a high degree of mutual consistency, which means that they identify with the integration of their lives and refer to themselves as “we” rather than “I” and “he/she”. In fact, this change in terminology from “I” to “we” often marks a subtle but significant stage in the development of the relationship. The degree of acceptance of others is the most vivid and direct way to assess mutual consistency, which in turn can effectively identify the existence of intimate relationships between people.
Another element that keeps intimacy alive is trust, the expectation that both parties will treat each other with kindness and respect. People trust that intimacy will not cause harm and expect their partner to meet their needs and be concerned about their well-being. If this trust is lost, intimate partners can become suspicious of each other, thus undermining the unique qualities of honesty and interdependence that characterize intimate relationships.
Intimate partners are usually loyal to their intimate relationship, hoping that their closeness will last until the end of time, and investing a lot of time, manpower and material resources to do so. Once this loyalty is lost, the once loving couple, close friends will also become increasingly distant, seemingly apart.
Six elements determine the quality of intimate relationships
The six elements mentioned above are a few of the common guidelines for judging intimate relationships. In fact, these six elements may not all appear in an intimate relationship, any one element can appear in the intimate relationship alone. For example, a monotonous, uninteresting couple may be highly interdependent and work closely together on the chores of daily life, but live in a psychological desert that lacks care, honesty or trust. They are certainly closer than the average acquaintance, but there is no doubt that they will feel less close to each other than they used to, and that there was a more intimate component to their relationship when it was hot.
Generally speaking, the most satisfying and meaningful intimate relationships should include all of the elements. If an intimate relationship contains only a few of these elements, then the relationship is weaker and less stable in terms of intimacy. As unhappy marriages reveal, for unhappy couples, the level of intimacy generally fluctuates greatly.
You may have longed for the ancient kind of love that raised the case, respectful love, such as Li Qingzhao and Zhao Mingcheng, Sima Xiangru and Zhuo Wenjun, think that is the beautiful love, but in real life, that kind of respect for each other, the lack of intimate love is not the most suitable for modern love.
(1) The purpose of love is to build intimacy, and we learn more about ourselves by establishing a deeper psychological connection with our lovers.
(2) When judging the quality of an intimate relationship, we need to start with six elements: level of understanding, level of care, interdependence, mutual consistency, trust and fidelity. Both partners in an intimate relationship should use this as the basis for their efforts to make love more intimate.
— EOF —