We often see reports on the Internet about two old people with gray hair holding hands while crossing the street, or a grandfather with Alzheimer’s disease who forgets everyone but always remembers his partner. The most naked look of love in front of the world is “forgetfulness in old age, but not forgetfulness of love”.
The actual fact is that you will find a lot of people who are not able to get the best out of your own home.
The love of youth is pampered, quarrelsome and capricious.
The love of the middle age is calm, understanding, tolerant and warm.
The love of the old age is not so spectacular, but it is more simple, calm and quiet.
Different age will have different physical and psychological characteristics, which also has a great impact on our love.
The love of youth. We are no longer teenagers carefree, dare to love and hate themselves, began to face the responsibilities of family and society, we are no longer just for their own happiness and live. Girls are pampered and capricious, boys do not know how to really love someone, so the two are always arguing, cold war, but afterwards embracing for warmth.
Surveys show that young people nowadays start a family, establish a career and become financially independent these three are much later than previous generations, they often hesitate before making a final decision, Ji Lingchen and Kan Qingzi are good examples. In fact, the transition to adulthood has been slowed down so much that we can call the period from 18 to 25 years old the period of early adulthood. During this period, many people have finished their teenage years but still cannot assume adult responsibilities. However, their desire to explore different ideas is much stronger than in their teens.
Physiological and Psychological Characteristics
Young people are in a period of growth transition and have physiological and psychological characteristics that are different from those of other ages. The main physiological characteristics of this period are that people change a lot as they grow older and gradually stabilize.
1. Physiological characteristics
(1) Rapid development of the physical body
There are two developmental peaks in a person’s life, and youth is in the second peak, the more prominent performance of this period is the increase in weight and height.
(2) Rapid increase of internal organs function
This is mainly manifested by the increase in lung capacity, the increase in stomach capacity, and the increase in the ratio of heart capacity and arterial vascular caliber.
(3) The nervous system tends to be sound
The length and thickness of the nerve fibers in the brain increase in this stage. According to relevant tests, the brain volume is heaviest in young women at the age of about 20 and in young men at the age of 20 to 24. In this period, sexual function is also more mature.
2. Psychological characteristics
On the basis of the rapid physiological development, the psychological development of young people is obviously not synchronized with the physiological development, that is, the psychological development lags behind the physiological development, and is in the stage of maturity but not fully mature.
(1) Thinking has reached a more mature level
Young people’s thinking has shifted from empirical to theoretical, and their independence and criticality have increased, as well as their creativity.
(2) Intellectual development also becomes mature
In the youth stage, due to the enrichment of knowledge and experience, people are no longer satisfied with the list of phenomena and start to actively investigate the essence and laws of things. On the one hand, their ability of independent thinking and theoretical thinking is rapidly increasing; on the other hand, they are often subjective, one-sided and detached from objective reality.
(3) Self-awareness gradually increases
At this stage, young people are free from parental guardianship, their living space is expanded, their sense of independence and adulthood is increased, and they begin to re-examine and re-evaluate themselves and pay attention to others’ attitudes and evaluations of themselves. On the one hand, their self-evaluation and self-expectation enter a new stage; on the other hand, they are prone to self-expansion, self-centeredness and other biases in self-perception.
(4) Emotions and feelings are increasingly rich, but unstable
As life becomes more exciting, young people’s emotions become richer and stronger. On the one hand, they are full of positive emotions towards study, work, friendship, love and things around them; on the other hand, they are prone to extremes and various bad or negative emotions.
(5) More receptive to new things
Young people will show a strong interest in new things, new ideas and new theories that appear in their lives, and are easily influenced by them. On the one hand, they like to seek newness, differences and changes; on the other hand, they are prone to be indiscernible between truth and falsehood, right and wrong, and produce radical behavior. In addition, the purposefulness and persistence of their will have increased.
(6) Sexual consciousness awakens and emotional desire increases
With the maturation of sexual physiology, young people’s sexual consciousness will be further developed. Sexual consciousness begins to awaken, and emotional desire gradually increases. On the one hand, many young people begin to pay attention to their self-image, pay attention to the opposite sex, desire to interact with the opposite sex and hope to obtain love; on the other hand, they are prone to misconduct and lack of ability.
The psychology of love among young people
According to psychologist Erik Erikson, young people have the psychological conflict of “intimacy versus loneliness”, which is reflected in their thoughts and feelings of being committed to an intimate partner forever.
1. Choice of a lover
When choosing a lover, young people usually choose someone who is similar to them in various aspects, such as attitude, personality, education, intelligence and even height. Of course, there are also people who choose the opposite sex that complements them in various ways, for example, one is good at socializing while the other is reserved and formal; one is curious while the other is a stickler for rules. If these differences can meet the preferences and goals of both parties, then these differences can be compatible with each other. But few people choose to complement this type, and more research shows that the more similar they are to each other, the more satisfied people are with their relationship, and the more likely two people are to stay together for a long time.
What characteristics do young people look for more? In terms of current trends, girls look more at a boy’s intelligence, ambition, economic status and character, while boys focus more on a girl’s physical attractiveness and ability to manage a household. In addition, girls prefer to choose someone slightly older or the same age than themselves, while boys prefer younger girls.
2. Elements of love
According to Robert Sternberg’s love triad, love has three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment, and the focus of the three elements varies as the relationship develops. Intimacy is an emotional element that includes warm, affectionate communication, a desire to make the other person feel happy and a desire for the other person to reciprocate. Passion is the physiological-psychological arousal element, which is the desire for sexual behavior and lovemaking. Commitment is the cognitive element that helps two people determine whether they love each other and whether they can sustain that love.
When youth are in the early stages of a relationship, passionate love dominates. Both passion and sex have a greater attraction for them. As they grow older and take on more responsibilities, young people’s love gradually becomes more stable. In love, there is a transition from passionate love to companionate love, and both parties place more emphasis on warmth, trust and mutual care for each other. After entering marriage, the feeling of “hot love” diminishes as the time for mutual communication decreases and common leisure activities give way to a lot of daily chores. At this point, commitment is an important factor in whether or not the love between the two parties can continue. At this stage, partners who keep their promises can have a high quality and longer lasting love.
Young people are part of a generation that is just entering adulthood and is at a transitional period in its life and at the peak of its sexual development.
Their sexual psychology is different from that of teenagers and middle-aged people, and is complex and subtle.
Young people’s understanding of sexuality is no longer an instinctive understanding, but begins to add a certain social content. As a certain youth said: “In middle school, I thought sex was the male and female sex, men and women combined together to have children. Now it seems that not only that, it also contains love, respect, devotion, responsibility, morality, law, etc. The more society develops, the higher the degree of sexual civilization.”
2. strong sex
Young people are energetic and active, they not only pursue the brilliance of their career, but also the sweetness of love, they strongly desire to be loved by the opposite sex and are always trying to seek emotional support. Especially in the early stage of youth, individuals often have a longing attitude toward sex, and for this reason tea and food, sleepless nights. In order to obtain the love of the opposite sex, one of them will often take dramatic action until success or failure.
When young people are sensible and have strong moral values, their impulses can generally be restrained. But at the same time, they are open-minded, strong feelings, sexual psychology will rise and fall dramatically. This is the result of the collision between sexual instinct and sexual morality, and the collision between reason and irrationality.
Young people often feel distressed and anxious about the problems in sex. They are anxious about whether they can find a suitable partner of the opposite sex, whether their bodies and looks are not perfect or defective, whether their psychology and behavior are in line with their sexual roles, whether they can arouse the feelings of the opposite sex, and whether they can arouse the affection of the opposite sex; they are anxious about whether the physical and mental conditions of the opposite sex meet their own standards, and whether they are moved and satisfied.
Love should be the purpose of marriage, but because the love of young people is in a special life background and cultural environment sprouted, so their love life is rarely associated with marriage, but has become a need for the youth life itself. Many young people in the process of love is more about the other party’s appearance, ability, interests and feelings, talking about topics such as life, society, learning, entertainment, etc., focusing on the flowers, poetry, the pursuit of a rich and colorful spiritual life, but rarely talk about family, economic and other practical issues, thus making their love rich in romantic atmosphere.
The impulsiveness of young people in the choice of spouse shows the following four characteristics: first, they lack of prudent thinking about their feelings, a good feeling to take action, will make a hasty decision on impulse; second, the feelings warm up quickly, love is like the impact of the heart shore of the waves, once it appears, it can not calm down, a wave is higher than a wave, from acquaintance to hot love, it is difficult to find a clear dividing line; third, the transition period is very Short, soon reached the stage of passionate love, so dating is quite frequent, and even inseparable; fourth, the intensity of emotions, not easy to control, the intimate behavior of kissing, hugging and other urgent requirements.
A part of the young people in love with the characteristics of imprudence, on the one hand, this is manifested as hasty on the battlefield, simply under the domination of curiosity, mystery, sexual impulse or herd mentality, or even the coaxing of others to fall in love with the opposite sex. Because of the lack of careful consideration at the beginning of the relationship, the love building on the beach, so this love is often like a beautiful sand sculpture, can not withstand the wind and rain, often because of setbacks and crises. On the other hand, the motivation for falling in love at this time may be to fill a moment of emptiness and loneliness. Not only is there a lack of prudent consideration when choosing a spouse, but it is also difficult to take responsibility in a relationship. Therefore, love conflicts often occur, which can have a negative impact on the study life and physical and mental health of the person in love.
Because of the separation from the family life, young people’s autonomy, self-reliance awareness has increased, so in love most of their own decision, free choice. With whom to fall in love, how to fall in love, there is no unified model, not subject to the restrictions of the rules and regulations. Because of the great freedom of love, autonomy is very strong, but at the same time their own lack of experience, and therefore young people in love often frustrated constantly.
(1) Young people’s love has the characteristics of romance, impulsiveness, rashness and autonomy. At this time, love is pampered, capricious, noisy, is you do not accommodate me, I do not accommodate you love.
(2) Psychologist Erikson believes that young people have the psychological conflict of “intimacy versus loneliness”, which is reflected in the young people’s thoughts and emotions of being committed to an intimate partner forever.
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